Youth is wasted on the young. But we're
making it harder on these young people by not reminding them that
they didn't invent life. I had a cousin who told me years ago
“Everything you're talking about is a re-run!” I didn't have a
clue what she meant at the time, but as I got older, I realized that
what she said was quite true. Everybody you know who is older was
once your age, and although there may be a few tweaks to the process,
it's basically the same old game.
A few weeks ago a young, gifted, sports
star with his whole life ahead of him admitted that the girlfriend he
claimed was his inspiration was not actually a flesh and blood human
being and that he had never met her. Fantasies are nothing new, if
they were, the Temptations song “Just My Imagination” wouldn't
have been such a runaway hit. I'm not sure if you were completely
victimized by a diabolical stalker, a co-conspirator in an
unnecessary hoax, or just someone who lacks the guidance of someone
willing to talk to you about something other than football. No one
expects a twenty-one year old to know everything, but here is
something you may need to be told:
The title of “girlfriend” comes
after meeting some requirements, so don't go handing it out like a
rose at a carnival. When your parent's ask you if you have a
girlfriend, and you mention some chick you talk to on-line, that's a
joke, that's not a girlfriend. A girlfriend is someone you've
actually seen, she knows you by sight and voice and responds to your
presence. You've talked to her on the phone and you know where she
lives. You've met her parents and she has met yours. She knows your
friends and you know hers and the two of you have been seen in public
on several occasions and nobody fainted! If you needed someone to
testify to your whereabouts, she would be a reliable source of info.
If she is a hook-up, a one night stand, or a booty-call, she is not a
girfriend. Neither is a link-up you got with some stranger. Put some
water on your face and get back out in the hunt – there's a song
called “Everybody Plays The Fool”, that might help you realize
that you aren't the first, and certainly won't be the last to get
stung by the love bug.
A few days ago several young women who
attend my alma mater admitted that they had been assaulted by a
roving young man who took advantage of them by saying that he was
locked out of his dorm room and needed a place to sleep. The women
say that he hurt them while they were asleep or knocked out. This is
a heinous accusation, but sadly, not a new one. If the young man is
guilty, I'm sure justice will be done, but I am concerned about these
and other young women who may be challenged. Some people take
kindness for weakness, so please be careful out there.
When I was in college, we didn't go
anyplace alone, not even to get something to eat or to the library.
We had a group that we hung with all day, we took classes in the same
buildings, and we went to lunch and back to the dorms in a troupe.
We went to the library and closed it down every night, so we went
back with people that we knew. I had an advisor who looked for me as
he officiated 11pm Mass on Sunday nights, so I even went to church
with a group of friends.
The thing about collecting friends is
that you really have to get to know people before you call them a
friend. There are requirements for that title too! People that you
say “hey!” to in passing are acquaintances, not necessarily
friends. Friends are people that you know something about, you've
known them for a while and they have an anecdote or two that they can
pull out on you at a moment's notice. My friends all tease me about
playing 20 questions with new people I meet, but I like to know the
people I roll with. Some don't make it past the interview.
When you go out on a date, whether it's
a sprite or a long island iced tea, take the drink from the bartender
and never leave it unattended. Don't make a habit of eating at a bar
(ever!) or being seen alone all the time. If people see that you
have a regular crew, that's the first indication that you will be
missed. Always make sure that people know who you are, and take the
time to know who they are. It's not just a matter of being the life
of the party, it could save your life. Once I was at a very, very
popular nightclub and one of the girls with me got away from us. We
sent a few of the guys in our group to see about her and she had
gotten her ankles cut by some bum waiting to get us when we went back
to our car. He might have done more if the guys hadn't gone to look
for her.
Now, the next time a man tells you he's
locked out of his dorm room and doesn't have a place to stay, here's
how to handle it tactfully, but firmly. Look into those big eyes,
grab the phone and call Security to escort him to his dorm and make
sure he gets in safely. That's not a new trick, and guys will run
that on you all year if you let them. If you give them the brush
off, they will spread the word that you're not a push-over. The next
time a stranger asks to take you out, ask him for his number at work
and do some research before you decide. If he doesn't have a job, he
doesn't really have time to date, now does he? And you aren't really
interested in someone who can't figure out HOW to get home, are you?
Everybody is not your friend – you
don't have to make a snap decision about something that could impact
the rest of your life. Step back and give yourself a minute to deal
with the choices you will be confronted with. We're all like sheep
among wolves, but you don't have to go it alone, ask for some help,
that's what we old schoolers are here for....
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